Progress at the Soccer Field

I haven't mentioned that I am the soccer coach for ML's under 4 soccer team. It is truly hilarious, and a lot like herding cats. It has been so much fun, I hope to be able to do this for a few more years. I guess we will see how much ML likes soccer, and even more, how much she likes having me as her coach!!

This past weekend was the soccer mini fest and run-a-rama. Pure fun!! There was a too early soccer game ( 8:30am!!) then a skills competition (yes that right for 3 & 4 year olds) then a run around the soccer fields to raise money, all topped off with a hot dog and chips! Fun truly was had by all.

The progress comes from the fact that ML's father was in attendance. This weekend was his, and since she had this soccer extravaganza, I invited him to watch. Was he late? Yes. Did he miss the whole soccer game? Yes. Did we actually get along? Yes. This was hard. Especially when he missed her game, after he promised her he would be there to watch. I did it for ML. I did tell him not to make promises that he couldnt keep, and I hope he does take that to heart. Only time will tell.

So see, progress has been made. I spent 2 hours with ML and her father. We didnt fight.

Someone commented on what a lovely family we were.... that was hard. I just smiled and said "thanks".

Was It Abuse?

This post is really hard to write.

ML and I were at a friend's house on the weekend for a birthday party, and I think I witnessed something awful.

What happened? I think I witnessed a mom, my friend, lose it and actually abuse her son, E. And now I don't know what to do. Her son is a handful. That is an understatement. I could go on and on about why I think that is, from him never being consistently disciplined and his parents never having any time for him. However, that really is irrelevant right now.

E was misbehaving. E wasn't listening to his mom. E was hitting ML. My friend, took her son into the bathroom, and spanked him. And wow, could you hear the anger in her voice. She hit him, over and over again, hard. I counted at least 10 hits. I was standing outside of the bathroom, with my daughter, stunned. ML asked me why E was being bad. I had no idea what to say to that. I said "I don't know sweetheart", then directed her over to the toys and we started to clean up.

When we got home, I tried to talk to ML, tell her that it is NEVER OK to hit. I felt like such a hypocrite, as I didn't say anything to my friend. And ML said "but E got a spanking..."

When my friend came out of the bathroom, she said "I just don't know what to do with him, as nothing works, only spanking". I had no idea what I should say. I wanted to say "well spanking doesn't seem to be working either". I wanted to say, "spend some time with your son, stop leaving him every weekend with a babysitter". But I didn't.

I don't know what to do. Do I report this? Am I over reacting? Is it a mom just having a bad day? If I do anything, I am quite sure she would know it was me.

I want to do the right thing, I am just not sure what that is. I have confided in 2 people about what happened on the weekend. One said "you have enough on your plate, you don't need to get involved with this" and the other, was just as torn as me.

What if it was my child that was being hit, I would want someone to get involved. But I am so scared, what if E gets taken away? Is that in his best interest? How can I get my friend some help without that happening?

The only thing I do know, is that ML and I wont be spending anymore time with my friend and her son.

Mother's Day 2007

Mother's day was a hard one for me this year.

ML was with her father on mother's day.

It was a nice weekend in theory, drinks with some other moms Saturday night, got to sleep in Sunday morning, off to brunch with my family, then shopping with my mom and sisters. All things that I like to do. It just felt empty without my daughter there. I know it is just a day, and I thought that it would truly be no big deal, as I have ML on Father's day, and I said we will just "switch days"... pretend mothers day is fathers day and vice versa... yeah not that easy.

However, ML did make me a card and a "sunshine". I will post pics soon.

WORLD AIDS ORPHANS DAY

As stated in my adoption blog, I don't have anything profound to say about World AIDS Orphans Day, but want to recognize it.

There is a great blog post on Adoption Blogs by Sandra, that I think highlights the important stuff, so please go read what she wrote.

Her First Shiner

I love the zoo. I love having a daughter that I can take to the zoo!! When you have a 3 year old to share your excitement with, it seems more acceptable to be a fool about the bears wrestling, the lions being really interested in the new baby giraffe, and finding the snow leopard.

Since this weekend was mine with ML, we went to the zoo.

It was an amazing day, except it appears my daughter has inherited my knack for complete clumsiness. It was a day of scrapes and bruises, the drying of tears, the applying of band-aids and anti-bacterial cream. She tripped over rocks that were at least 1/2 the size of her, she ran into other kids, tripped up the stairs going to see the gorillas, it was constant!

And when she woke up this morning, she was sporting a black eye....

OK this time it really is EVERYONE!!

I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 announced her pregnancy on the Easter Weekend. Sister 2 announced her pregnancy today. They are twins so I guess it was written in the stars to happen this way.

But I told you, now EVERYONE is pregnant. (Ok I know not really...)

I was reading a post on one of the adoption forums , about how hard it can be to attend a baby shower, or to be happy when someone you are close to announces a pregnancy. I couldn't agree more. I am over the moon excited that I (finally) get to be an Auntie, and it is times 2!! However, the happiness I feel about their news, the excitement of anticipating the arrival of these little souls doesnt take the sting away. It is so nice to know that I am not alone in my feelings.

I know I am a lucky soul to have ML, but this babylust for a #2 is intense.

MEDIATION aka HELL

Last night ML's father and I had mediation. It was awful. The mediator was supposed to be neutral, I beg to differ. He was a master on laying on the guilt and blame. He continually stated my daughter will hate me when she grows up, if I don't give in and let her father have the access he is asking for.

The Mediator asked me why I was so angry!! Oh I don't know, being taken to court and have mediation forced on you does that to a girl.

I have had some concerns about the time that my daughter spends with her father, and I am told that what my daughter says cannot be trusted, as 3 year olds lie. He then goes on to state that because of my anger (see above) she is behaving (i.e. lying), this way.

I was told it doesn't matter how many times her father comes and goes from her life, whenever he wants in, he is allowed. Any access he askes for, will be granted. This is what is in the best interest of the child. For me to think otherwise means that I am just selfish. It is my job to always let him back.

ML's father and I have 3 weeks to come to an agreement, basically, I have 3 weeks to agree to what he is asking for. The mediator does not want to see us again unless we have started to come up with an agreement.

The worst part of all this, is my family just says, "why are you so upset? You knew this was going to happen! Get over it, thousands of others have been in your shoes before, they don't think it is the end of the world."

Well right now it feels like the end of the world.