I am a total and complete copy cat!!I have done what so many others have done before me and started a second blog, that ONLY deals with my journey to adoption.
Also it gives me an excuse to put a picture of my old cat BUD.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Copy Cat
I am a total and complete copy cat!!I have done what so many others have done before me and started a second blog, that ONLY deals with my journey to adoption.
Also it gives me an excuse to put a picture of my old cat BUD.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Want Bono's New Book??
Owlhaven is giving away Bono's new Book On The Move, and to get in on the action all you have to do is leave a comment on her blog. So go ahead.... what are you waiting for?
* picture from Chapters.Indigo.ca
Communicating 101
Warning, this is a bit of a rant!!
Last night I attended part 1 of 4 of my "parenting" classes that ML's father put as a condition for our new parenting agreement. It would be an understatement to say this this has made me angry.
As the title states, this class is devoted to communication, with the child and the other parent. It is all great information, that I have heard many times, with all the proper phrasing of questions, getting to collaboration, blah blah f&^$ing blah. Yeah and the whole time all I can think of is "Oh I hate him!!" So yeah, not in much of a collaborative mood!!
They go over the affects on the child when there is conflict between parents, what some of the physiological and psychological signs and effect conflict has on a child. "Kids do better when both parents are involved."
Talk about putting on the guilt!!
I hate the assumption that 2 parents are better than one. I think I have done a damn good job in raising my daughter. I hate that after 3 years, because her father has now decided that being a dad sounds like a good idea, I have to bend to his whim. I made a life for ML and me. Now that life feels like part time. Being a full time, working mother, the time we get to "do things", is on the weekend. Now, every second weekend I send her to another city to see her father. He has a live-in girlfriend, so of course (sarcasm intended), their household is looked upon very favourably. The courts see their set up as more "ideal" than mine. Never mind that he didn't want the dad gig when ML was born, and that he didn't become a part of her life until she was almost 3. None of that matters, he does now, I can just move aside, and let the real parenting begin, you know the kind with two parents.
The worst part of the class last night, was when the instructor said, and I quote "you know, 13 year old girls need a father to develop their sense of self esteem". Yeah... because us mom's out there wouldn't have any ideas on teaching our girl's how to value themselves, and that a women's self esteem should not be dependant on a man, regardless of who that man is!! Yeah a mom would have no idea what a 13 year old girl is going through. It has been 20 some years since I was thirteen, but I know I remember!!
I am absolutely not saying that kids do not need their fathers. I have an amazing Dad. I know lots of amazing dads. I also know many men who will become amazing dads. I even hope to one day have a partner to share this parenting gig with.
But you know the whole single adoptive parent by choice (SAMBCs- hat tip Hazel) is looking better and better all the time. I do not think I could handle another EX!!
Last night I attended part 1 of 4 of my "parenting" classes that ML's father put as a condition for our new parenting agreement. It would be an understatement to say this this has made me angry.
As the title states, this class is devoted to communication, with the child and the other parent. It is all great information, that I have heard many times, with all the proper phrasing of questions, getting to collaboration, blah blah f&^$ing blah. Yeah and the whole time all I can think of is "Oh I hate him!!" So yeah, not in much of a collaborative mood!!
They go over the affects on the child when there is conflict between parents, what some of the physiological and psychological signs and effect conflict has on a child. "Kids do better when both parents are involved."
Talk about putting on the guilt!!
I hate the assumption that 2 parents are better than one. I think I have done a damn good job in raising my daughter. I hate that after 3 years, because her father has now decided that being a dad sounds like a good idea, I have to bend to his whim. I made a life for ML and me. Now that life feels like part time. Being a full time, working mother, the time we get to "do things", is on the weekend. Now, every second weekend I send her to another city to see her father. He has a live-in girlfriend, so of course (sarcasm intended), their household is looked upon very favourably. The courts see their set up as more "ideal" than mine. Never mind that he didn't want the dad gig when ML was born, and that he didn't become a part of her life until she was almost 3. None of that matters, he does now, I can just move aside, and let the real parenting begin, you know the kind with two parents.
The worst part of the class last night, was when the instructor said, and I quote "you know, 13 year old girls need a father to develop their sense of self esteem". Yeah... because us mom's out there wouldn't have any ideas on teaching our girl's how to value themselves, and that a women's self esteem should not be dependant on a man, regardless of who that man is!! Yeah a mom would have no idea what a 13 year old girl is going through. It has been 20 some years since I was thirteen, but I know I remember!!
I am absolutely not saying that kids do not need their fathers. I have an amazing Dad. I know lots of amazing dads. I also know many men who will become amazing dads. I even hope to one day have a partner to share this parenting gig with.
But you know the whole single adoptive parent by choice (SAMBCs- hat tip Hazel) is looking better and better all the time. I do not think I could handle another EX!!
Monday, April 23, 2007
What would you do?
Would you EVER disrupt an adoption?
I think anyone who is considering or pursuing an adoption, international or domestic, should ask themselves this BIG question. What would you do if the child you are presented with on "gotcha day" is not what you were expecting, i.e. is sicker than you thought or has more or a special need(s) than you were prepared to deal with.
I have recently found Soul Autopsy, a women who is now wrestling with the decisions that she was forced to make. I like to think that I have my answer, but you just don't know until you are faced with such a decision. I don't think anyone should judge her, as I agree with the whole "walk a mile in their shoes" thing.
What are you willing to take on? What do you think you can handle?
A year ago, if anyone asked if I would consider adopting a child with special needs, I would have said no, that is not something that I am prepared to deal with. Ask me now, I have a much different answer. Why? What changed my mind? My Daughter. In October 2006 she was diagnosed with Epilepsy. I was devastated. Epilepsy seemed like the end of the world for my little girl. Now that we deal with it every day, it is just a part of life. Dealing with ML's epilepsy shows me that I could handle more than I thought.
When considering adopting any child, it is important to figure out what you can or are willing to take on, and knowing your limits is obviously extremely important. I just think that the special needs door should be left open, even a little, because you just never know what life will throw at you, and you never know just what you can handle.
I think anyone who is considering or pursuing an adoption, international or domestic, should ask themselves this BIG question. What would you do if the child you are presented with on "gotcha day" is not what you were expecting, i.e. is sicker than you thought or has more or a special need(s) than you were prepared to deal with.
I have recently found Soul Autopsy, a women who is now wrestling with the decisions that she was forced to make. I like to think that I have my answer, but you just don't know until you are faced with such a decision. I don't think anyone should judge her, as I agree with the whole "walk a mile in their shoes" thing.
What are you willing to take on? What do you think you can handle?
A year ago, if anyone asked if I would consider adopting a child with special needs, I would have said no, that is not something that I am prepared to deal with. Ask me now, I have a much different answer. Why? What changed my mind? My Daughter. In October 2006 she was diagnosed with Epilepsy. I was devastated. Epilepsy seemed like the end of the world for my little girl. Now that we deal with it every day, it is just a part of life. Dealing with ML's epilepsy shows me that I could handle more than I thought.
When considering adopting any child, it is important to figure out what you can or are willing to take on, and knowing your limits is obviously extremely important. I just think that the special needs door should be left open, even a little, because you just never know what life will throw at you, and you never know just what you can handle.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Thoughts
I have done a lot of thinking since the shootings at Virginia Tech.
First I must say I feel absolutely horrible for every person that lost a loved one, the pain and grief they are experiencing must be unbearable. Secondly, I hate guns. I hate that guns are so easily accessible in this world. I will always assert that more guns are never the answer.
And thirdly, and this is where I might become very unpopular, all I can think about it the thousands of people that die in this world from preventable and treatable diseases every day, and they never receive the coverage that this tragedy has been receiving. While watching some of the in depth reports last night, this was all I could think about.
With all this going around in my head, I came up with an analogy.
Imagine everyone that you have known that has had a Cancer diagnosis, dies. Imagine as well that the reason for this cancer is from western world greed and environmental pollution, hence it is our fault that so many are dying from this cancer. Now imagine that in (insert any country/region's name here), they have a treatment for this cancer, that although it doesn't cure cancer, it treats it. This treatment means that a cancer diagnosis is no longer a death sentence . However, those that have found/created the treatment, do not care to share. It is, after all, our fault that cancer is killing so many. It is because of our lifestyle and life choices (i.e. greed and polluting) that so many are dying. Why should people half way around the world care about us here, they need to look after themselves, their problems and their country/region.
In my life there has been 6 people who have had a cancer diagnosis. 5 are still alive. This is why this analogy really hits home for me. I would be screaming at the injustice of the world, as would the rest of North America, if this was happening. But it is this continent that is preventing the millions affected and dying of AIDS and other preventable and treatable diseases from obtaining the necessary treatments and/or vaccinations every year.
Ok, that felt good to get out.
Now go read There Is No Me Without You by Meilssa Faye Green and Race Against Time by Stephen Lewis.
First I must say I feel absolutely horrible for every person that lost a loved one, the pain and grief they are experiencing must be unbearable. Secondly, I hate guns. I hate that guns are so easily accessible in this world. I will always assert that more guns are never the answer.
And thirdly, and this is where I might become very unpopular, all I can think about it the thousands of people that die in this world from preventable and treatable diseases every day, and they never receive the coverage that this tragedy has been receiving. While watching some of the in depth reports last night, this was all I could think about.
With all this going around in my head, I came up with an analogy.
Imagine everyone that you have known that has had a Cancer diagnosis, dies. Imagine as well that the reason for this cancer is from western world greed and environmental pollution, hence it is our fault that so many are dying from this cancer. Now imagine that in (insert any country/region's name here), they have a treatment for this cancer, that although it doesn't cure cancer, it treats it. This treatment means that a cancer diagnosis is no longer a death sentence . However, those that have found/created the treatment, do not care to share. It is, after all, our fault that cancer is killing so many. It is because of our lifestyle and life choices (i.e. greed and polluting) that so many are dying. Why should people half way around the world care about us here, they need to look after themselves, their problems and their country/region.
In my life there has been 6 people who have had a cancer diagnosis. 5 are still alive. This is why this analogy really hits home for me. I would be screaming at the injustice of the world, as would the rest of North America, if this was happening. But it is this continent that is preventing the millions affected and dying of AIDS and other preventable and treatable diseases from obtaining the necessary treatments and/or vaccinations every year.
Ok, that felt good to get out.
Now go read There Is No Me Without You by Meilssa Faye Green and Race Against Time by Stephen Lewis.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Movie review - "Meet the Robinson's"
I wanted to give my 2 cents in regards to this movie that has so much talk going around the adoption circles, on message boards and other Blogs.
I took my daughter to this movie this past weekend, as I wanted to start a dialogue with her about adoption. I am feeling a lot more confident that adoption is the path I want to take. Well so much for my grand intentions... she slept through the ENTIRE movie. So I guess we will go again when it comes to the cheap theatre.
The best review that I have read, that I think sums up what I felt from the movie as well was written by Erin at transracial/transcultural adoption blogs. I think that is it a cute movie, that has a great theme, keep moving forward, don't hold onto the past. We could all use a little reminding of that. As well, I think that they did a great job of showing that the first mom loved her son.
Of course it is a Disney movie, so it had to have a bad guy, characters were two dimensional etc. I think it has to be remembered that this is a kid's movie, and a cartoon, and it mostly is for entertainment, and not out to change the world.
*photo from Yahoo! Movies
Monday, April 09, 2007
Signs, Signs, Everywhere are Signs...
In spite of all the babies that are being conceived around me, all I can seem to do lately is think about adoption. Can I really do it? What about attachment? What about ML? Is it fair to her, will I ruin all the special times we have together? Should I really wait until I have a partner? What if that never happens? (Feeling at the moment that it might never, yes pity party at my house). Can I really afford it? Can I handle the remarks that I know will come via my family?
I want ML to have a sibling(s). I do not know what I would do without my sisters, especially when my parents are driving me crazy. They are the only ones who truly understand. I want her to have that. I know as mentioned previously that she is being supplied with one via her father, but that is not the same. He has never been a constant in her life, and with the new baby coming, I am not sure that the visits will continue with any regularity.
So... Should I start the adoption process? Well in the last week there have been a few signs thrown in my face.
As I have mentioned before I read copious amounts of blogs. Most adoption related. And when I read about other families and their adoptions, it just seems so right, and they inspire me. Then I try to be realistic, and it all feels like it cannot happen. But in the last week I have "met" some awesome people through adoption blogs and message boards. It is so great to find others that feel the same as me. It gives me hope that I can do this, and that I am not crazy. It is these stories that I feel are the first sign that I can do this.
The second concerns a lottery ticket. I am not a lucky person. I was walking to the grocery store when I remembered that I had one, and that I should check it, and thought, if it has won anything, it is a sign that I should do this adoption thing. (It should be noted that in 1 year of buying, I have not won even a free ticket.) Well I won $2. Yeah, huge dent in financing the adoption!!
The third happens at a home party. For the first time I meet a family that has adopted from Haiti. I see this little girl, and all I can do is smile.
So of course I could be reading to much into everything, trying to convince myself to do it, looking for reasons to tell myself that I am not crazy. But maybe, someone is trying to tell me "go for it!"
I want ML to have a sibling(s). I do not know what I would do without my sisters, especially when my parents are driving me crazy. They are the only ones who truly understand. I want her to have that. I know as mentioned previously that she is being supplied with one via her father, but that is not the same. He has never been a constant in her life, and with the new baby coming, I am not sure that the visits will continue with any regularity.
So... Should I start the adoption process? Well in the last week there have been a few signs thrown in my face.
As I have mentioned before I read copious amounts of blogs. Most adoption related. And when I read about other families and their adoptions, it just seems so right, and they inspire me. Then I try to be realistic, and it all feels like it cannot happen. But in the last week I have "met" some awesome people through adoption blogs and message boards. It is so great to find others that feel the same as me. It gives me hope that I can do this, and that I am not crazy. It is these stories that I feel are the first sign that I can do this.
The second concerns a lottery ticket. I am not a lucky person. I was walking to the grocery store when I remembered that I had one, and that I should check it, and thought, if it has won anything, it is a sign that I should do this adoption thing. (It should be noted that in 1 year of buying, I have not won even a free ticket.) Well I won $2. Yeah, huge dent in financing the adoption!!
The third happens at a home party. For the first time I meet a family that has adopted from Haiti. I see this little girl, and all I can do is smile.
So of course I could be reading to much into everything, trying to convince myself to do it, looking for reasons to tell myself that I am not crazy. But maybe, someone is trying to tell me "go for it!"
And now EVERYONE seems to be....
This Easter weekend has been a hard one for me. My sister announced that she is expecting, and all I could do is cry. I am so excited for her, but it just is a reminder that I am not having a baby this year. I know she thinks that I am not happy for her, and I am sorry that she has that idea, that is the furthest from the truth. I feel so selfish for feeling this way, but it has hit me hard.
Another one of my friends also announced that she is expecting at the same time as my sister, oh babies babies everywhere!
I hate feeling this way.
Another one of my friends also announced that she is expecting at the same time as my sister, oh babies babies everywhere!
I hate feeling this way.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Of course she is pregnant.
Who is pregnant you may ask? Well the girlfriend of my daughter's father of course!!
I think someone is trying to test me and how much I can handle. This is the girl he cheated on me with, and every time we fight, throws in my face, that they will have all the kids they want while I will just wither and die as I am so old....
And no I do not want him back nor do I want to have another child with him. It is just the principle of the matter. I am all about fairness, and I KNOW that the world is not a fair place, I know that it is minor in the grand scheme of things... but it still stings. Is this Irony or just a really fun coincidence, that my daughter joyfully explains "guess what mommy!! (girlfriend) has a real baby in her tummy, and I am going to have a brother or a sister" after her visit this past weekend, on the day I become single AGAIN!! Karma thinks she is very funny apparently. Either that or she is setting me up for some really fantastic stuff.... I am a pisces and a dreamer so I work with that.
Yeah the break- up, it certainly was the oddest one of my life. We broke up over breakfast that he cooked, and then went to his church together. I cannot say that has ever happened before!!
Ok Karma and Fates... I am ready for what you are going to throw at me next.
I think someone is trying to test me and how much I can handle. This is the girl he cheated on me with, and every time we fight, throws in my face, that they will have all the kids they want while I will just wither and die as I am so old....
And no I do not want him back nor do I want to have another child with him. It is just the principle of the matter. I am all about fairness, and I KNOW that the world is not a fair place, I know that it is minor in the grand scheme of things... but it still stings. Is this Irony or just a really fun coincidence, that my daughter joyfully explains "guess what mommy!! (girlfriend) has a real baby in her tummy, and I am going to have a brother or a sister" after her visit this past weekend, on the day I become single AGAIN!! Karma thinks she is very funny apparently. Either that or she is setting me up for some really fantastic stuff.... I am a pisces and a dreamer so I work with that.
Yeah the break- up, it certainly was the oddest one of my life. We broke up over breakfast that he cooked, and then went to his church together. I cannot say that has ever happened before!!
Ok Karma and Fates... I am ready for what you are going to throw at me next.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
