Revelations and a "Bullet Dodged"

As you may have noticed from some of my blog posts as of late, I am having a hard time with the single life. It all has been piling up on me, the court proceedings, the every second weekend visitation, and the fact that THE EX is having another child. All of this has been really hard to cope with as of late. But....

I hate to actually admit this, but I am beginning to really enjoy my kid-free weekends. I have been to grown up movies, gone out with friends, sometimes I just do NOTHING!! I have forgotten what it was like to be 'single'. Of course, me being me, writing that makes me feel so guilty!! But truly it has been good for my soul to have some down time. Lots of people told me that I would feel this way, and I didn't believe them, so now I take it back!! OK well some of it.

ML, on the other hand is still having a very tough time with the weekend visits to her father's. She seems to be fine when she comes home, but the going doesn't seem to be getting any easier, in fact this past birthday weekend was the worst in a long time.

Now to the 'Dodged bullet'. THE EX send me an instant message saying that he wont be able to give me the child support for August! Just want to remind everyone that ML turned 4 on the weekend and I have received child support for a total of 5 months of her life. This infuriates me, as I have started to become accustomed to his support. I knew that it would most likely not last, and I should have been prepared.

Lets talk percentage for a moment shall we, 5/48 = 10.416%. That is the amount of time he has financially supported his kid. Five months out of forty-eight he has been able to come up with the cash to help pay for her everyday needs.

Now why can't be pay? Oh because he quit his job!! He has a 4 year old and a baby due in October, and he is unemployed. He has caused me stress, and you better believe that there is stress in his house at the moment. He did the same to me when I was pregnant with ML, out of work for way to long and then quitting jobs before another was lined up.

This man who I have known for almost 7 years, will never change. you know the saying, a leopard can't change its spots... I realize that I am lucky to be away from that relationship, and sometimes just need little reminders.

It makes me sad that he hasn't been able to grow up. And, if you can actually believe I am typing this, I feel for his girlfriend. I know what she is going through. I am mad at previous self for putting up with that garbage for so long in the past, but like I said, it is a bullet I feel I have dodged and left behind. As lonely as the single life gets, I would take it over the stress and anguish of dealing with THE EX about these things that will never change.