Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Communicating 101

Warning, this is a bit of a rant!!

Last night I attended part 1 of 4 of my "parenting" classes that ML's father put as a condition for our new parenting agreement. It would be an understatement to say this this has made me angry.

As the title states, this class is devoted to communication, with the child and the other parent. It is all great information, that I have heard many times, with all the proper phrasing of questions, getting to collaboration, blah blah f&^$ing blah. Yeah and the whole time all I can think of is "Oh I hate him!!" So yeah, not in much of a collaborative mood!!

They go over the affects on the child when there is conflict between parents, what some of the physiological and psychological signs and effect conflict has on a child. "Kids do better when both parents are involved."

Talk about putting on the guilt!!

I hate the assumption that 2 parents are better than one. I think I have done a damn good job in raising my daughter. I hate that after 3 years, because her father has now decided that being a dad sounds like a good idea, I have to bend to his whim. I made a life for ML and me. Now that life feels like part time. Being a full time, working mother, the time we get to "do things", is on the weekend. Now, every second weekend I send her to another city to see her father. He has a live-in girlfriend, so of course (sarcasm intended), their household is looked upon very favourably. The courts see their set up as more "ideal" than mine. Never mind that he didn't want the dad gig when ML was born, and that he didn't become a part of her life until she was almost 3. None of that matters, he does now, I can just move aside, and let the real parenting begin, you know the kind with two parents.

The worst part of the class last night, was when the instructor said, and I quote "you know, 13 year old girls need a father to develop their sense of self esteem". Yeah... because us mom's out there wouldn't have any ideas on teaching our girl's how to value themselves, and that a women's self esteem should not be dependant on a man, regardless of who that man is!! Yeah a mom would have no idea what a 13 year old girl is going through. It has been 20 some years since I was thirteen, but I know I remember!!

I am absolutely not saying that kids do not need their fathers. I have an amazing Dad. I know lots of amazing dads. I also know many men who will become amazing dads. I even hope to one day have a partner to share this parenting gig with.

But you know the whole single adoptive parent by choice (SAMBCs- hat tip Hazel) is looking better and better all the time. I do not think I could handle another EX!!


haze said...

OH God. I don't know your full situation but this SUCKS!! Keep the faith Tanya. ML knows you are the one she can trust and truly count on to ALWAYS BE THERE. And it's her opinion that really matters, in the end. Whether or not her Dad's current relationship lasts or if his sudden interest in parenting wanes, ML will remember you are her constant and she will always know you are there for her.

And people need to realize that one stable parent beats two fly-by-nights or an uphappy marriage anytime!

Tanya said...

Thanks Haze...