Monday, April 09, 2007

Signs, Signs, Everywhere are Signs...

In spite of all the babies that are being conceived around me, all I can seem to do lately is think about adoption. Can I really do it? What about attachment? What about ML? Is it fair to her, will I ruin all the special times we have together? Should I really wait until I have a partner? What if that never happens? (Feeling at the moment that it might never, yes pity party at my house). Can I really afford it? Can I handle the remarks that I know will come via my family?

I want ML to have a sibling(s). I do not know what I would do without my sisters, especially when my parents are driving me crazy. They are the only ones who truly understand. I want her to have that. I know as mentioned previously that she is being supplied with one via her father, but that is not the same. He has never been a constant in her life, and with the new baby coming, I am not sure that the visits will continue with any regularity.

So... Should I start the adoption process? Well in the last week there have been a few signs thrown in my face.

As I have mentioned before I read copious amounts of blogs. Most adoption related. And when I read about other families and their adoptions, it just seems so right, and they inspire me. Then I try to be realistic, and it all feels like it cannot happen. But in the last week I have "met" some awesome people through adoption blogs and message boards. It is so great to find others that feel the same as me. It gives me hope that I can do this, and that I am not crazy. It is these stories that I feel are the first sign that I can do this.

The second concerns a lottery ticket. I am not a lucky person. I was walking to the grocery store when I remembered that I had one, and that I should check it, and thought, if it has won anything, it is a sign that I should do this adoption thing. (It should be noted that in 1 year of buying, I have not won even a free ticket.) Well I won $2. Yeah, huge dent in financing the adoption!!

The third happens at a home party. For the first time I meet a family that has adopted from Haiti. I see this little girl, and all I can do is smile.

So of course I could be reading to much into everything, trying to convince myself to do it, looking for reasons to tell myself that I am not crazy. But maybe, someone is trying to tell me "go for it!"

1 comment:

haze said...

Hi Tanya. Personally, I think the $2 lottery win is a HUGE coincidence & sign! I never win anything either.

Whatever choice you make will be the right one for you and ML because you know what's in your heart.