Movie review - "Meet the Robinson's"

I wanted to give my 2 cents in regards to this movie that has so much talk going around the adoption circles, on message boards and other Blogs.

I took my daughter to this movie this past weekend, as I wanted to start a dialogue with her about adoption. I am feeling a lot more confident that adoption is the path I want to take. Well so much for my grand intentions... she slept through the ENTIRE movie. So I guess we will go again when it comes to the cheap theatre.

The best review that I have read, that I think sums up what I felt from the movie as well was written by Erin at transracial/transcultural adoption blogs. I think that is it a cute movie, that has a great theme, keep moving forward, don't hold onto the past. We could all use a little reminding of that. As well, I think that they did a great job of showing that the first mom loved her son.

Of course it is a Disney movie, so it had to have a bad guy, characters were two dimensional etc. I think it has to be remembered that this is a kid's movie, and a cartoon, and it mostly is for entertainment, and not out to change the world.

*photo from Yahoo! Movies

Signs, Signs, Everywhere are Signs...

In spite of all the babies that are being conceived around me, all I can seem to do lately is think about adoption. Can I really do it? What about attachment? What about ML? Is it fair to her, will I ruin all the special times we have together? Should I really wait until I have a partner? What if that never happens? (Feeling at the moment that it might never, yes pity party at my house). Can I really afford it? Can I handle the remarks that I know will come via my family?

I want ML to have a sibling(s). I do not know what I would do without my sisters, especially when my parents are driving me crazy. They are the only ones who truly understand. I want her to have that. I know as mentioned previously that she is being supplied with one via her father, but that is not the same. He has never been a constant in her life, and with the new baby coming, I am not sure that the visits will continue with any regularity.

So... Should I start the adoption process? Well in the last week there have been a few signs thrown in my face.

As I have mentioned before I read copious amounts of blogs. Most adoption related. And when I read about other families and their adoptions, it just seems so right, and they inspire me. Then I try to be realistic, and it all feels like it cannot happen. But in the last week I have "met" some awesome people through adoption blogs and message boards. It is so great to find others that feel the same as me. It gives me hope that I can do this, and that I am not crazy. It is these stories that I feel are the first sign that I can do this.

The second concerns a lottery ticket. I am not a lucky person. I was walking to the grocery store when I remembered that I had one, and that I should check it, and thought, if it has won anything, it is a sign that I should do this adoption thing. (It should be noted that in 1 year of buying, I have not won even a free ticket.) Well I won $2. Yeah, huge dent in financing the adoption!!

The third happens at a home party. For the first time I meet a family that has adopted from Haiti. I see this little girl, and all I can do is smile.

So of course I could be reading to much into everything, trying to convince myself to do it, looking for reasons to tell myself that I am not crazy. But maybe, someone is trying to tell me "go for it!"

And now EVERYONE seems to be....

This Easter weekend has been a hard one for me. My sister announced that she is expecting, and all I could do is cry. I am so excited for her, but it just is a reminder that I am not having a baby this year. I know she thinks that I am not happy for her, and I am sorry that she has that idea, that is the furthest from the truth. I feel so selfish for feeling this way, but it has hit me hard.

Another one of my friends also announced that she is expecting at the same time as my sister, oh babies babies everywhere!

I hate feeling this way.

Of course she is pregnant.

Who is pregnant you may ask? Well the girlfriend of my daughter's father of course!!

I think someone is trying to test me and how much I can handle. This is the girl he cheated on me with, and every time we fight, throws in my face, that they will have all the kids they want while I will just wither and die as I am so old....

And no I do not want him back nor do I want to have another child with him. It is just the principle of the matter. I am all about fairness, and I KNOW that the world is not a fair place, I know that it is minor in the grand scheme of things... but it still stings. Is this Irony or just a really fun coincidence, that my daughter joyfully explains "guess what mommy!! (girlfriend) has a real baby in her tummy, and I am going to have a brother or a sister" after her visit this past weekend, on the day I become single AGAIN!! Karma thinks she is very funny apparently. Either that or she is setting me up for some really fantastic stuff.... I am a pisces and a dreamer so I work with that.

Yeah the break- up, it certainly was the oddest one of my life. We broke up over breakfast that he cooked, and then went to his church together. I cannot say that has ever happened before!!

Ok Karma and Fates... I am ready for what you are going to throw at me next.

Who is a bad blogger?? ME?? huh?

Wow, I pull together 3 posts then I dissappear for 3 months.

Somethings have happened in my life, that I should update on here.

I met someone, lets call him P~. Things, I thought, were going along great, then he pops the question, in a not very romantic way, and I said no, I need more time. It has been a relationship of 3 months. And after mulling that around figure that it is not just that it has been a short time, that we are not meant to be... planning on ending it this weekend. I should have a good post about that. I am very sad about ending it, as he is a fabulous guy, and he is just what I want/need on "paper" but he is not the one. I like him, I care about him, but I know that I do not love him. He is not the one. I will miss him, but it is not fair to keep him around because I am lonely.

What else... oh yeah ML's dad has taken me to court to re-work our parenting agreement, and it is not going well. Lots of tears on all parts. ML is going to his house very other weeknd, and she does not like it. I am hoping that we all get used to this arrangement soon, and life can continue. The good thing I guess is that I am finally receiving some child support... looking for the silver lining here.

I still have adoption in my heart. It feels like it could be a reality now, not just a pipe dream. I need to get my finances in order and start. I know this is a hard road, I know that family may not be supportive oh my decision as I am a single mom with limited fiances. But I know that I do well enough to have another child or 2 (or more....) in my house.

I also really would like to have another bio kid. I have discussed this previously, and that has not gone away... just need to find mr right.

So I feel I should explain...

Wow haven't posted for over 3 weeks and now I can't stop!!
Well I have had a lot of posts in my head... But never felt compelled to write them. Until now it seems...

Anyways, I feel like I should explain why I am drawn to infertility blogs when it appears that I am not in fact infertile at the moment. It all started when I went looking on g00gle for something to help me deal with the baby lust I have. You see I desperately want another child. A few even. And while there doesn't appear to me a medical reason to stop me, I am single and I don't want to have another baby by myself. So in my wonderings I found alittlepregnant. I read it from the beginning and cried and cried. That lead to the list and more crying.

A lot of the feeling shared by these bloggers I feel myself. I desperately want another baby. I am afraid that my daughter will be an only. And of course that is ok, she is more than enough, but I want her to have siblings, and I want more kids. Very few people I speak to about this in REAL LIFE get this. They all say, oh one is enough, you have ML... But every month my period comes and I think well no baby next August etc. I am not even in a relationship, and that makes me very sad as well. Crying festivals have been known to occur because of this.

Then there is the wonderful world of adoption. After reading adoption blogs, I feel so drawn to adoption , and know that I will add to my family through adoption, regardless of whether I have another biological child. I will admit I used to think that it was second best, but no more. I would start the adoption process right now this very second if I had the means to. And I know it is how my family will grow in the future

So now I am very "educated". I now feel like I can "talk" to K about her IVF twins without coming across as an asshole. I can also tell an acquaintance that it is not appropriate to ask if they are "natural". I feel like I knew how to listen to my dear friend S who has lost 3 babies and how not to say some assholish* thing... And I knew that my friend M who just went through a miscarriage most likely just needed to hear "I'm sorry, I'm here if/when you need me".

So there is my explanation. I am not sure if they ever expected this kind of audience, but if any of them ever read this, they will know that have helped me deal with a few of my feelings, and to know that even though the circumstances may be different, we feel very similar things, and thanks.

I've been inspired by Tertia... Twice this week! Here is the result of the first.

So I read infertility blogs. I have never experienced any issues with fertility, see daughter ML as my first piece of evidence... She was conceived when I was sloppily taking the pill... ( I am ducking from all the shoes that would be thrown my way if in fact anyone else read this... But I digress).

Anyways Tertia's blog is a favorite of mine, and 2 posts this week just got to me so much that I had to write about them myself.

The first post that got me going was about whether you should discipline other people's children.

Ok my friends think that I am a hard ass mom, and that's ok, I probably am. The thing is I have little tolerance for badly behaved children. Don't get me wrong, I am not like a strict no fun in our house mom, I just have some rules and they need to be followed. That means any children in my house whether they belong to me or not, have to follow these rules.

I do have a dear friend of mine that has a son a month older than ML, and we used to hang out all the time, so much people thought that we were a Lesbian couple raising twins... (hint to the second post that inspired me) anyways, her son was never made to behave... And he was not pleasant to be around. When he was in my house, it would fall to me to be the heavy and the disciplinarian. I did it at first, but it really affected out friendship. But not in the way you would imagine. She left it to me to deal with her son. And I got tired of it. So we don't hang out with the kids as much anymore. We go for lunch on work days or go out just with adults.

Now maybe I could have left him to be disciplined by his mother, but I believe the same result would have occurred. We would still mostly see each other in non kid times and places. I would like for this to change in the future, but don't see it happening unless her son's behavior changes.

I have asked other moms about this. What do you do when one of your mom friends has a child that is not fun to be around? Do you stop being friends with that mom? Only do grown up things together? Wait it out and hope that it is a phase?