A New Book for ME to read

This book was mentioned on one of the adoption boards I am a member of , and it sounds like just what I need to read. I hope it has some good advice and coping strategies etc. It is not in any store in my city that I can find, but I did find it on eBay... so here's hoping I win the auction!!

The title of the first chapter is "what did I ever see in my ex" which should be a good one, as well as other chapters with ideas how to cooperate and to figure out what the problem is. I have High hopes, but I know that in the end the Jerk or THE EX has to want to communicate and solve the problems...

I will post a review once I have read it.

Regrets?

A blog that I check daily is Tertia's. I love her writing and her honesty. Plus it is fun to hear about life half way across the world in Cape Town South Africa.

On her blog she is asking:

"Looking back at last week, last month, last year, the last decade, the past lifetime, what is it that you wished you had done or not done that you would pass on as a piece of advice to others who might follow your path. About marriage, parenting, work, life in general. I am not talking about regrets; I am talking about opportunities to learn. "

Well there were two lessons in the comments so far that had me nodding in agreement.

The first, is a motto that I try to follow, much to the chagrin of my family. "Don't be too house proud, nobody ever died wishing they had a cleaner house. Get out and enjoy life". My family are people who (in my opinion) care too much about the state of their houses. My mom has even said to me that if I had a neater house she would visit more often. I told her that is sad. We have argued about that one a few times...

The second was written by Mel. Tertia's sister. Her blog is Here. It is an awesome comment and I wanted to share it here. I find myself, more often than I would like doing what she advises not to. I know I shouldn't. But it is hard, especially when I am surrounded by "happy" couples.

Mine is for single parents....Don't over compensate, enjoy every second of being a parent that doesn't have to take care of a significant other and never has someone second guess her decisions. Don't keep on thinking what you don't have because you won't see what you do have.Don't feel lucky someone is "willing" to be in your life and deal with your baggage, see it as such an honour for them that you are willing to allow them into your precious family and share in the life of your child. (Carina told me that and it changed my dating life) Be a parent 1st and a friend second.

This past weekend in Radium was awesome. So relaxing and so nice to be in the mountains. Even the family got along really well, so well in fact that it has been a long time that it was like that for us. There was a warning that a cougar was seen in the area ( no, not me!!) and lots of mountain goats and big horn sheep wandering around, was a real treat for ML and me.

However Sunday night, friends of my sisters stopped by and I was surrounded by "happy" couples. I had a bit of a pity party, wondering why not me? I know I know, lame, but it is hard sometimes. Now I know they might not really be "happy" and I know I don't want to settle, just sometimes.....

Anyways, the comment about single parents made me think, and to be thankful.

Boom Dee Ada

To go along with my nerdy television watching... this is just for fun. Tell me you can resist singing along! I won't believe you!!



Hat Tip Mr. Nice Guy

I'm not the only one...

It seems I am not alone in my thoughts and opinions on the Horton Hears A Who Movie...

Copy Cat

I am a total and complete copy cat!!

I have done what so many others have done before me and started a second blog, that ONLY deals with my journey to adoption.

Also it gives me an excuse to put a picture of my old cat BUD.

Want Bono's New Book??

Owlhaven is giving away Bono's new Book On The Move, and to get in on the action all you have to do is leave a comment on her blog. So go ahead.... what are you waiting for?

* picture from Chapters.Indigo.ca

What would you do?

Would you EVER disrupt an adoption?

I think anyone who is considering or pursuing an adoption, international or domestic, should ask themselves this BIG question. What would you do if the child you are presented with on "gotcha day" is not what you were expecting, i.e. is sicker than you thought or has more or a special need(s) than you were prepared to deal with.

I have recently found Soul Autopsy, a women who is now wrestling with the decisions that she was forced to make. I like to think that I have my answer, but you just don't know until you are faced with such a decision. I don't think anyone should judge her, as I agree with the whole "walk a mile in their shoes" thing.

What are you willing to take on? What do you think you can handle?

A year ago, if anyone asked if I would consider adopting a child with special needs, I would have said no, that is not something that I am prepared to deal with. Ask me now, I have a much different answer. Why? What changed my mind? My Daughter. In October 2006 she was diagnosed with Epilepsy. I was devastated. Epilepsy seemed like the end of the world for my little girl. Now that we deal with it every day, it is just a part of life. Dealing with ML's epilepsy shows me that I could handle more than I thought.

When considering adopting any child, it is important to figure out what you can or are willing to take on, and knowing your limits is obviously extremely important. I just think that the special needs door should be left open, even a little, because you just never know what life will throw at you, and you never know just what you can handle.

Movie review - "Meet the Robinson's"

I wanted to give my 2 cents in regards to this movie that has so much talk going around the adoption circles, on message boards and other Blogs.

I took my daughter to this movie this past weekend, as I wanted to start a dialogue with her about adoption. I am feeling a lot more confident that adoption is the path I want to take. Well so much for my grand intentions... she slept through the ENTIRE movie. So I guess we will go again when it comes to the cheap theatre.

The best review that I have read, that I think sums up what I felt from the movie as well was written by Erin at transracial/transcultural adoption blogs. I think that is it a cute movie, that has a great theme, keep moving forward, don't hold onto the past. We could all use a little reminding of that. As well, I think that they did a great job of showing that the first mom loved her son.

Of course it is a Disney movie, so it had to have a bad guy, characters were two dimensional etc. I think it has to be remembered that this is a kid's movie, and a cartoon, and it mostly is for entertainment, and not out to change the world.

*photo from Yahoo! Movies

I've been inspired by Tertia... Twice this week! Here is the result of the first.

So I read infertility blogs. I have never experienced any issues with fertility, see daughter ML as my first piece of evidence... She was conceived when I was sloppily taking the pill... ( I am ducking from all the shoes that would be thrown my way if in fact anyone else read this... But I digress).

Anyways Tertia's blog is a favorite of mine, and 2 posts this week just got to me so much that I had to write about them myself.

The first post that got me going was about whether you should discipline other people's children.

Ok my friends think that I am a hard ass mom, and that's ok, I probably am. The thing is I have little tolerance for badly behaved children. Don't get me wrong, I am not like a strict no fun in our house mom, I just have some rules and they need to be followed. That means any children in my house whether they belong to me or not, have to follow these rules.

I do have a dear friend of mine that has a son a month older than ML, and we used to hang out all the time, so much people thought that we were a Lesbian couple raising twins... (hint to the second post that inspired me) anyways, her son was never made to behave... And he was not pleasant to be around. When he was in my house, it would fall to me to be the heavy and the disciplinarian. I did it at first, but it really affected out friendship. But not in the way you would imagine. She left it to me to deal with her son. And I got tired of it. So we don't hang out with the kids as much anymore. We go for lunch on work days or go out just with adults.

Now maybe I could have left him to be disciplined by his mother, but I believe the same result would have occurred. We would still mostly see each other in non kid times and places. I would like for this to change in the future, but don't see it happening unless her son's behavior changes.

I have asked other moms about this. What do you do when one of your mom friends has a child that is not fun to be around? Do you stop being friends with that mom? Only do grown up things together? Wait it out and hope that it is a phase?