6th Aniversary of being a mom

Today is ML's sixth birthday, thus my 6th anniversary of being a mom. ML has been six for days, she tells me, ever since we held her party, she decided that she is already six.

This Birthday is a hard one for me. ML is not with me to celebrate. She is in Montreal visiting her father. I hope for her sake that she is having a fantastic day, and that she is enjoying seeing her sister she has missed so much since they moved away.

It doesn't feel like her birthday with her not around.

Today is also the anniversary of her first seizure. It has been 3 years, and we think that she has epilepsy beat.

Happy Birthday Big Girl!!

Viva Las Vegas

I am on the way to Vegas to celebrate my stagette with a few friends and my sisters. The weekend is to include spa-ing, shopping, gambling, shopping, drinking, shoe shopping... do you sense a theme?

It will be stagette of a lifetime!

To say I am excited is an understatement, and as my sisters have been making me say for the past couple of months VIVA LAS VEGAS!!

Its been almost a year...

I disappeared again. I needed to.
I lost my job, took forever to find a new one. And when I did it felt like I was gone for too long to start again. But then again, I thought I have something to say, even if it is just to myself... so here goes the update.

I am engaged. That fact alone still blows my mind. If you have read this post on my adoption blog, you would know what started it. When you find out how much money someone donates to an orphanage in your name, just to prove to you that they get "it" well it melted my cold single mom heart. In lieu of party favours at the wedding, we will make a donation to this same orphanage in Harare Zimbabwe.

We are planning on visiting Zimbabwe in December 2010 to visit with PN's family and of course to see the Orphanage that rekindled the relationship.

So the Wedding date is August and in Banff/Canmore, and will be a small family affair and will ad hear to as many of my feminist sensibilities that PN and my family can handle.

As for the EX... he moved to Montreal. ML was devastated. Got called in to speak with her Kindergarten Teacher asking what happened as she was no longer the same little girl. This obviously broke my heart and it has taken months for her to become the same little girl. This also prevented me from blogging, as there was just too much hurt.

What has helped is PN. ML is a special girl who has 2 fathers. Her Father in Quebec and her Step Dad who lives with us. It has been a hard adjustment, but we are working through it. There have been temper tantrums and the expected who is the boss/parent in the house, but I can tell you that ML is happy. Everyone says so. Since PN has become a permanent fixture in her life, people have commented how happy she is. And she tells EVERYONE that she has 2 dads. In her language she calls The Ex her "real" dad and calls him papa and her step dad whom she calls Dad. The calling PN Dad was her idea... When she speaks of PN she just calls him Dad, and when someone refers to him as her Dad she just gets a little smile on her face and agrees with them.

To help with the bonding, we went on a trip to the Bahamas. This did wonders for us as a family. The time we spent together just playing on the beach and experiencing things was priceless.

So that is my life in a nutshell these last 11 months...

Oh and in 2 days I am going to Vegas with my sisters and friends for my stagette!!

Fifth Anniversary

Five years ago today I became a mom.

It has truly been the best and hardest five years of my life.

The past week I was without ML as she was with her father for the first of her 2 weeks with him for summer visits.

So on the week approaching my 5 year anniversary of being a mom, I spent it alone. Friends telling me I should enjoy it. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, but it certainly wasn't something I enjoyed, and my house was way too quiet. I missed my Daughter. It didn't help that I didn't work for part of the week. The week alone, I got to experience my life as "child free". I prefer the child in my life. Even though it is infinitely harder and more work, it is just plain more fun!

I picked ML up Sunday night, and I asked about her visit. She told me many interesting tidbits. .

One of these tidbits was that when her father missed a weekend visit in June, as well as Fathers day, he was more than the "out of town" that he told me. He was in the UK with his sister. They decided to stay a bit longer so that is why he missed picking her up on Father's day. Funny that he claims poverty to the courts and he is $5000 in arrears in his child support payments....

The second tidbit, and this bothers me on so many levels, is that this past week was the first time he has ever had ML for an extended time... but he didn't take one day off work. He also sent her to someones house for a sleep over one night...

It makes me sad.

Second Last Day

This is going to be a tough week.

ML is with her Father for the week. I want to write "if you can believe" but it feels so unnecessary. The Ex didn't take this week off work. So ML is there, and hanging out with The Ex's Girlfriend and ML's sister. I am sure she will have fun, I am sure she will love hanging out with her baby sister... It probably is a good thing she is gone this week, as I am so upset about this whole job ending ridiculousness. This is the first time she has been gone for this long. The longest before was 3 nights over Christmas. Friends keep telling me "try to enjoy it". I want to scream at them, "I don't want to"!!! OK I am a little irrational these days...

I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this, but until tomorrow, I work for the family business. LAID OFF is a nice way of saying pushed out. I have found out that I have been stabbed in the back by fellow workers who I thought were friends (one person even had us to dinner and fun at their family farm!) and by both my sister and brother-in-law. So now it feels like my family is being torn apart, my daughter is away and add a bit of looking for a job stress.

The silver lining in all this, (it's a good sign that I can still see this right?) is that I have had a few interviews already, and job prospects look good, and if I can get a job quick enough, my severance will be used to pay for NK's adoption.

Unemployed

On Friday I got to hear that I am laid off as of the 15th of July. I have a severance package so I will be fine. I am on the job hunt and it will soon be my full time job until I find something suitable.

Everyone keeps telling me everything happens for a reason. I know. It still sucks. It is still very stressful. I have never been unemployed. I have never been laid off.

I have cried and raged this weekend. I am getting to the end of that. The hardest thing was coming to work today to train someone to do my job.

Happy (Belated) Canada day!

It has been a trying couple of days for us at Chez single mom.

First Monday night a friend, who I had just spent the day with on Saturday, was seriously hurt at work and we weren't sure that he was going to make it... things are looking up for him, but it will be a long road. If you know anything about trucking and winches... the winch flung back and hit him in the throat... he is lucky to be alive.

I took ML to the local Canada Day Celebrations to get my mind off of things, and we made not one but two separate trips to the medical tent. Once for sunscreen in the eyes (kids tear free no less) that took about 4 eye wash/flushing to get out. How she managed to getso much sunscreen in her eyes is beyond me....

Then as we waited in line for a hot dog ML leaned against the very hot BBQ and burnt her arm. It was at this point that I threw in the towel!! She was treated and we went HOME!!!

Hope your Canada Day was less stressful than ours!!

A New Book for ME to read

This book was mentioned on one of the adoption boards I am a member of , and it sounds like just what I need to read. I hope it has some good advice and coping strategies etc. It is not in any store in my city that I can find, but I did find it on eBay... so here's hoping I win the auction!!

The title of the first chapter is "what did I ever see in my ex" which should be a good one, as well as other chapters with ideas how to cooperate and to figure out what the problem is. I have High hopes, but I know that in the end the Jerk or THE EX has to want to communicate and solve the problems...

I will post a review once I have read it.

HPV Vaccine and Some Bishops

The HPV Vaccine is in the news again. This time in my province. Here is the article if want to read it.

I have ranted and raved about this before on here. Why do (in this case) old men think that by providing a vaccine to protect women against 70% of cervical cancers will lead girls and young women to run into the streets looking for anyone to screw? At 13? What year is this again? I guess women can do all kinds of things, but to actually be educated about a vaccine? Apparently this is beyond us. These Bishops believe that no matter what we teach our girls they will only hear "Yay!! I can have unsafe or unprotected sex with anyone and all because I had this vaccine when I was 13...what was that for again?"

Why is it with all the talk about abstinence that the teenage pregnancy rate in the USA is on the rise. "National data showing a 3% rise in teen pregnancies in 2006—the first increase in 15 years...

Maybe we could use this as a reason why there are 17 girls pregnant at this school...

Or maybe it is these Bishops who can't seem to be educated...

A Record For ML

This blog of mine is turning into a journal of sorts to give ML. I didn't start this for her, but now it feels like this will be for her. For her when she is 12 and thinks that her Mother is crazy and knows nothing, when she is tempted to live with her father. Also for when she is older so she will know her story.

ML's father has not seen her since the end of May, he cancelled his last weekend visit to go out of town, where I have no idea. As I posted, didn't show up on Father's day. There is never even a phone call between visits.

This is his weekend, the first time he has seen his daughter in almost a month. He was 15 minutes late to pick her up. When ML realized that he was here, finally, she ran and grabbed her Father's day gift, excitedly put on her shoes, forgot her overnight bag and ran out of the house and down the driveway. She was so excited to finally give him his gift... you could feel her excitement, and the smile on her face couldn't have been bigger.

She gave him her masterpiece, "look what I made you!" she yells. "Whats this? oh" is his reply and then he puts it in the van. He didn't say thank you. He didn't say how wonderful it is. He didn't even say HI to his daughter. He just put her in the van, all the while she is trying to get his attention " right papa? papa did you hear me"

I asked him to please tell me when he is taking her this summer, as he has her for 2 weeks. He doesn't answer. I asked again, really nicely. "Please The Ex, I need to make arrangements for this summer...." No response. I asked him to just email me the dates. No response, just gets in the van, shuts the doors and drives off.

It is June 20th and he refuses to tell me when he is taking her for his share of the summer vacation. I have asked him since March, as that was when the first summer camps and activities started accepting registrations. ML told me that they are planning a trip to Quebec, and he wont tell me when they are going.

I hope that she sees him for who he is one day. I hope that by that time he hasn't hurt her too much.

Everyone says he can't do this, he can't be this unreasonable... He is. And there doesn't seem to be anything that I can do about it.

I am just so scared that he will take her to Quebec and not bring her back.

A Father's Day missed

I briefly mentioned this here.

ML was to spend Father's day with her Father. He didn't show. He didn't call. No email. Still as of this writing no contact has been made.

The part I don't get is that he INSISTED during our court proceedings that he have her for Father's day. Wanted it written into the agreement that she is to spend the day with him regardless of whether it is his weekend or not.

ML made a really cute, hand plaster cast to give THE EX for Father's day. Decorated it, wrote "I LOVE DAD" on it and was so excited to give it to him. Spoke about it for the entire week.

She sat on the stairs, with her gift for over an hour, waiting for him to arrive. At 9:45 we left the house, as I had a Father's day brunch to attend for my father. Called the restaurant asked if it was possible to add one more seat for ML. She didn't want to get in the car. She kept saying "Mom we cant leave, my dad is supposed to come get me!!"

It was a Father's day buffet brunch, and at one point ML was sitting at the table with just my sister. ML told her that she was supposed to be with her dad, but he must have slept in... My sister didn't tell me this until this morning. A four year old making up an excuse for her father's absence. She came up with this all on her own. When she asked why he didnt come get her, all I could say is "I don't know sweetheart, I don't know".

Oh no!! What am I to do??

-1 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Poor (Failure) Take the test!

45 As a 1930s husband, I am Average Take the test!

That State of being Single

With the Sex and the City movie opening this weekend, and ML's father being the world's biggest jerk, among other random things, I have been thinking a lot about being single.

With the sex and the city link, I just wish I could meet as many fabulous men that the ladies seem to meet. Granted very few stay around, but really, there must be some of these men in Alberta? Right?

ML's Father being a jerk? Well I know that is news to the 3 of you who read this blog, but last weekend, I think he trumped himself. Truly. He screamed obscenities at me, with ML not a foot away from him. Why? Oh because I asked him not to swear at me and then had the Gaul to ask how he wanted to communicate about school. What does this have to do with being Single? It has to do with me being SO THANKFUL that he is not in my life EVERYDAY. And Knowing that being a single 35 year old woman is much better than being attached to the likes of him.

The other random things? One of them is I searched a on-line dating site and was appalled at the things men write. Like they are looking for "movie making partners" and the "sexually liberated with no strings"... in the relationship section!!! Which takes me back to the Question about there has to be some good men in Alberta right? OK then just lie to me OK?

The last thing is that little Urban Myth that says the more education a women has the less likely she is to be married and the less sex she has (I can't find a reference to it, But I KNOW I have read it before). Well guess who is starting to work on her master's degree again... Yup, that is right. Sister Tanya. Soon I guess I will be living like a nun.... but wait I guess I could just aspire to be like Samantha and contact those men looking for the movie making partner right?

Kindergarten Orientation

Like I said here, I will be a blubbering mess when School starts in September

When they opened with the parents prayer, my eyes started to tear up! Listening to the speech therapist, principal and the kindergarten teachers made me so excited for ML for school to start!

When I saw the classroom with the little chairs and the room full of all their art work, made me start to cry...

I had a long chat with ML's teacher, told her about her Epilepsy, her Father. Especially the concerns I have around religion and her fathers thoughts about that. She thanks me for telling her, and said it gives her the summer to come up with great retorts if ML ever repeats what her Father tells her about God. I also mentioned my adoption plans and she was very excited for us, and will try to incorporate adoption and out country of choice into the curriculum. I told her I will keep her posted.

She showed us their printing books, artwork (she teaches them how to draw, and I think most are better than I am!) and the scrapbooks with all the pictures that she prepares, are priceless.

My little girl is going to school, and although I am so excited for her, it still makes me cry! She is not so little anymore!

Regrets?

A blog that I check daily is Tertia's. I love her writing and her honesty. Plus it is fun to hear about life half way across the world in Cape Town South Africa.

On her blog she is asking:

"Looking back at last week, last month, last year, the last decade, the past lifetime, what is it that you wished you had done or not done that you would pass on as a piece of advice to others who might follow your path. About marriage, parenting, work, life in general. I am not talking about regrets; I am talking about opportunities to learn. "

Well there were two lessons in the comments so far that had me nodding in agreement.

The first, is a motto that I try to follow, much to the chagrin of my family. "Don't be too house proud, nobody ever died wishing they had a cleaner house. Get out and enjoy life". My family are people who (in my opinion) care too much about the state of their houses. My mom has even said to me that if I had a neater house she would visit more often. I told her that is sad. We have argued about that one a few times...

The second was written by Mel. Tertia's sister. Her blog is Here. It is an awesome comment and I wanted to share it here. I find myself, more often than I would like doing what she advises not to. I know I shouldn't. But it is hard, especially when I am surrounded by "happy" couples.

Mine is for single parents....Don't over compensate, enjoy every second of being a parent that doesn't have to take care of a significant other and never has someone second guess her decisions. Don't keep on thinking what you don't have because you won't see what you do have.Don't feel lucky someone is "willing" to be in your life and deal with your baggage, see it as such an honour for them that you are willing to allow them into your precious family and share in the life of your child. (Carina told me that and it changed my dating life) Be a parent 1st and a friend second.

This past weekend in Radium was awesome. So relaxing and so nice to be in the mountains. Even the family got along really well, so well in fact that it has been a long time that it was like that for us. There was a warning that a cougar was seen in the area ( no, not me!!) and lots of mountain goats and big horn sheep wandering around, was a real treat for ML and me.

However Sunday night, friends of my sisters stopped by and I was surrounded by "happy" couples. I had a bit of a pity party, wondering why not me? I know I know, lame, but it is hard sometimes. Now I know they might not really be "happy" and I know I don't want to settle, just sometimes.....

Anyways, the comment about single parents made me think, and to be thankful.

May Long Weekend YAY!!

This is where I am going.

Be back on Tuesday!

Have a happy Long Weekend!!

First trip to the Dentist

This week ML had her first trip to the Dentist. It went very well, they made sure she wasn't scared, had fun "counting" her teeth. No cavities. Yay!

He did say that she has a "tongue thrust" and that she could use some speech therapy to get her out of that habit. That is not something I have ever noticed, but am told they screen for speech issues in Kindergarten, so that will be done for me in the fall. Oh and he did say a little thing about Braces are pretty much a given in her future...

ML was very disappointed that she was not offered a new toothbrush... I didn't realize this until after we had left, was too busy listening to all the Dentist had to say and of course paying my share. Paying it seems will be something that is done a lot of in the future if this prediction of Braces is indeed true.

The Other Child

I don't want this blog to just be a bitch fest for me about THE EX, but I need to write about it.

The past week there needed to be some tweaking of the parenting time as a result of Mother's day as per our agreement. I sent an email informing him I would pick ML up on Sunday morning since I have a family event in his city anyways... he responded with "I want my 2 days therefor I want her Thursday night until Saturday night". I said no, sorry that doesn't work. She has soccer that I coach, so we will not be home to facilitate the pick up and she has preschool on Friday that she loves. Plus I don't want to start the precedent that it is OK to pull her out of school for 'parenting time'.

Apparently he was very unhappy with this arrangement, but as I have mentioned here before, he doesn't communicate regularly with me, and he didn't respond. I had no idea if he was still coming Thursday, if he as bringing her back Saturday ... etc. So when he showed up on Friday to pick ML up, I asked him if the plan was as I mentioned, the Sunday morning pick up by me, and he responds with "I'm not speaking to you". I said OK, just tell me yes OR no. Silence. He put ML in the car, locked the doors rolled up the windows and drove off. So I called him, he put me on ignore.

So I called his girlfriend, apologized for putting her in a spot, and asked her.

I showed up Sunday Morning, picked up ML and took her to my car. When putting her in her seat, I noticed that she had a bad rash, looked like the measles (she has been vaccinated) but I was worried, so I called him. I asked him if he saw the rash, did he just wash her face with soap, maybe that is the offender... he says "she didn't get it from my house". I say "THE EX we have been out of your house for 90 seconds..." he says "didn't happen here" and hangs up.

My mother says that I shouldn't tell people about the way he behaves, as it makes me look bad. Maybe, but if I don't tell someone, I will explode. When he behaves this way I wonder how the Hell were we ever together? How the Hell does he have another girlfriend and family?

He is a Child. I am guessing about 7 years old.

Mothers Day

I wanted to share the gifts that ML made me on this mothers day. I was lucky enough to get two presents from her.
One was done with Grandma. They picked out a flower and a planter and they planted it together... It will be going on my front step . The other is a precious piece of art that was created at her day home.

I am a lucky mom.

Special Guest Yet Again

I again had the privilege of being the Special Guest at ML's preschool. This time it was for a field trip. The teacher planned a 4 km hike with the 3 & 4 year olds through a nature preserve. I figured she was crazy and I would end up carrying a few kids, but I figured I love to hike so I volunteered.

I just cannot say enough good things about this program. It gets kids so interested in their environment and nature. Many of the girls were very concerned that an ant would be stepped on, and a few tears where shed when in fact, this did happen. When a few of the kids would start shrieking because of the sight of a bug, others would remind them that they were food for the birds and then it would be all OK.

One of the funniest moments for me was when little boy came running up to be yelling " I just saw a Red Ant!!" like it was the most exciting thing he has ever seen, so I asked him if he likes red ants and he says "No! They bite 'member??"Like don't you know anything lady? ha ha

Walking along the paths, the teacher would point out a plant or shrub or moss and the kids would all yell its name. I think I even learned a few things!

The kids were a hoot (sorry pun intended I had too! And yes we even saw an owl and their nest!). When it was all done, driving home for lunch, ML was fast asleep in the car. Perfect. I will be taking her on this hike again!!