So I feel I should explain...

Wow haven't posted for over 3 weeks and now I can't stop!!
Well I have had a lot of posts in my head... But never felt compelled to write them. Until now it seems...

Anyways, I feel like I should explain why I am drawn to infertility blogs when it appears that I am not in fact infertile at the moment. It all started when I went looking on g00gle for something to help me deal with the baby lust I have. You see I desperately want another child. A few even. And while there doesn't appear to me a medical reason to stop me, I am single and I don't want to have another baby by myself. So in my wonderings I found alittlepregnant. I read it from the beginning and cried and cried. That lead to the list and more crying.

A lot of the feeling shared by these bloggers I feel myself. I desperately want another baby. I am afraid that my daughter will be an only. And of course that is ok, she is more than enough, but I want her to have siblings, and I want more kids. Very few people I speak to about this in REAL LIFE get this. They all say, oh one is enough, you have ML... But every month my period comes and I think well no baby next August etc. I am not even in a relationship, and that makes me very sad as well. Crying festivals have been known to occur because of this.

Then there is the wonderful world of adoption. After reading adoption blogs, I feel so drawn to adoption , and know that I will add to my family through adoption, regardless of whether I have another biological child. I will admit I used to think that it was second best, but no more. I would start the adoption process right now this very second if I had the means to. And I know it is how my family will grow in the future

So now I am very "educated". I now feel like I can "talk" to K about her IVF twins without coming across as an asshole. I can also tell an acquaintance that it is not appropriate to ask if they are "natural". I feel like I knew how to listen to my dear friend S who has lost 3 babies and how not to say some assholish* thing... And I knew that my friend M who just went through a miscarriage most likely just needed to hear "I'm sorry, I'm here if/when you need me".

So there is my explanation. I am not sure if they ever expected this kind of audience, but if any of them ever read this, they will know that have helped me deal with a few of my feelings, and to know that even though the circumstances may be different, we feel very similar things, and thanks.

I've been inspired by Tertia... Twice this week! Here is the result of the first.

So I read infertility blogs. I have never experienced any issues with fertility, see daughter ML as my first piece of evidence... She was conceived when I was sloppily taking the pill... ( I am ducking from all the shoes that would be thrown my way if in fact anyone else read this... But I digress).

Anyways Tertia's blog is a favorite of mine, and 2 posts this week just got to me so much that I had to write about them myself.

The first post that got me going was about whether you should discipline other people's children.

Ok my friends think that I am a hard ass mom, and that's ok, I probably am. The thing is I have little tolerance for badly behaved children. Don't get me wrong, I am not like a strict no fun in our house mom, I just have some rules and they need to be followed. That means any children in my house whether they belong to me or not, have to follow these rules.

I do have a dear friend of mine that has a son a month older than ML, and we used to hang out all the time, so much people thought that we were a Lesbian couple raising twins... (hint to the second post that inspired me) anyways, her son was never made to behave... And he was not pleasant to be around. When he was in my house, it would fall to me to be the heavy and the disciplinarian. I did it at first, but it really affected out friendship. But not in the way you would imagine. She left it to me to deal with her son. And I got tired of it. So we don't hang out with the kids as much anymore. We go for lunch on work days or go out just with adults.

Now maybe I could have left him to be disciplined by his mother, but I believe the same result would have occurred. We would still mostly see each other in non kid times and places. I would like for this to change in the future, but don't see it happening unless her son's behavior changes.

I have asked other moms about this. What do you do when one of your mom friends has a child that is not fun to be around? Do you stop being friends with that mom? Only do grown up things together? Wait it out and hope that it is a phase?

"Mom You're Fat"

Fun title for a post dont you think? This is what my daughter ML said to me last night. After the initial shock that these words came out of her mouth ( she's 3) and confirming that I did indeed hear correctly, I asked her why she said this and her response.... "papa (her father) said it".

So yes I will admit it, I am not supermodel thin. I have struggled with my weight since highschool. My fabulous boyfriend back then told me I was fat (um not the case at all, when I see pics from then I want to scream at myself!!!). This is one thing I want so much for my daughter not to be saddled with. I know I can't control that, but I can do my damnedest!!! ( Is that a word? my mom uses it so I am continuing...)

So back to where she heard it from. Yeah I can hear him saying this. He has a major issue with weight. When I was pregnant he loved reminding me how big my ass was becoming, and afterwards decided that my stretchmarked stomach was quite repulsive... yeah I know a real catch... but I digress....

Of course I questioned her everyway I could think of (thanks Law & Order) to find out if in fact she did hear this from him or from other kids or... she kept saying "nope no one else, just papa, he says that I'm fat too, both of us are" and she is smiling the whole time, thinking that this is a compliment....

For the record I have questioned him on this and he denies that he ever said such a thing...

So then ML and I had a talk about how this is not something nice to say to people, that it hurts their feelings blah blah blah... and that in fact neither of us are in fact "fat".

What makes me the most angry is this is appearing in a 3 year old's vocabulary. I dont want her to be one of those girls who at age 10 are on a diet. I hate that this society puts so much importance on the way a woman looks. My mantra after finally ditching the asshole boyfiend in high school was "I was not put on this earth for you too look at". And although it didnt always work to get rid of my insecurities and body issues, it is still what this feminist believes. I know I have a lot of work to do do help my daughter not have these same issues, I just wish it didnt have to start before she knew "fat" was a bad word.

Inaugural post

Well every blog seems to have this post, and it seems as good a start as any.

I am entering blogland, adding my take on the world as seen through the lens of this single mom's eye. I have been reading blogs for about 6 months now and I love them. I am constantly thinking of what a post I would write would look like in response to one that I have read.. so what am I waiting for??

Ok, so I do not profess to be a fabulously witty and humourous writter, and I am a terrible speller, apparently even earning an university degree doesnt help that. (I blame spell check.)

So here it goes.... be easy on my... its my first time!