I have 2 sisters. Sister 1 announced her pregnancy on the Easter Weekend. Sister 2 announced her pregnancy today. They are twins so I guess it was written in the stars to happen this way.
But I told you, now EVERYONE is pregnant. (Ok I know not really...)
I was reading a post on one of the adoption forums , about how hard it can be to attend a baby shower, or to be happy when someone you are close to announces a pregnancy. I couldn't agree more. I am over the moon excited that I (finally) get to be an Auntie, and it is times 2!! However, the happiness I feel about their news, the excitement of anticipating the arrival of these little souls doesnt take the sting away. It is so nice to know that I am not alone in my feelings.
I know I am a lucky soul to have ML, but this babylust for a #2 is intense.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
MEDIATION aka HELL
Last night ML's father and I had mediation. It was awful. The mediator was supposed to be neutral, I beg to differ. He was a master on laying on the guilt and blame. He continually stated my daughter will hate me when she grows up, if I don't give in and let her father have the access he is asking for.
The Mediator asked me why I was so angry!! Oh I don't know, being taken to court and have mediation forced on you does that to a girl.
I have had some concerns about the time that my daughter spends with her father, and I am told that what my daughter says cannot be trusted, as 3 year olds lie. He then goes on to state that because of my anger (see above) she is behaving (i.e. lying), this way.
I was told it doesn't matter how many times her father comes and goes from her life, whenever he wants in, he is allowed. Any access he askes for, will be granted. This is what is in the best interest of the child. For me to think otherwise means that I am just selfish. It is my job to always let him back.
ML's father and I have 3 weeks to come to an agreement, basically, I have 3 weeks to agree to what he is asking for. The mediator does not want to see us again unless we have started to come up with an agreement.
The worst part of all this, is my family just says, "why are you so upset? You knew this was going to happen! Get over it, thousands of others have been in your shoes before, they don't think it is the end of the world."
Well right now it feels like the end of the world.
The Mediator asked me why I was so angry!! Oh I don't know, being taken to court and have mediation forced on you does that to a girl.
I have had some concerns about the time that my daughter spends with her father, and I am told that what my daughter says cannot be trusted, as 3 year olds lie. He then goes on to state that because of my anger (see above) she is behaving (i.e. lying), this way.
I was told it doesn't matter how many times her father comes and goes from her life, whenever he wants in, he is allowed. Any access he askes for, will be granted. This is what is in the best interest of the child. For me to think otherwise means that I am just selfish. It is my job to always let him back.
ML's father and I have 3 weeks to come to an agreement, basically, I have 3 weeks to agree to what he is asking for. The mediator does not want to see us again unless we have started to come up with an agreement.
The worst part of all this, is my family just says, "why are you so upset? You knew this was going to happen! Get over it, thousands of others have been in your shoes before, they don't think it is the end of the world."
Well right now it feels like the end of the world.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Copy Cat
I am a total and complete copy cat!!I have done what so many others have done before me and started a second blog, that ONLY deals with my journey to adoption.
Also it gives me an excuse to put a picture of my old cat BUD.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Want Bono's New Book??
Owlhaven is giving away Bono's new Book On The Move, and to get in on the action all you have to do is leave a comment on her blog. So go ahead.... what are you waiting for?
* picture from Chapters.Indigo.ca
Communicating 101
Warning, this is a bit of a rant!!
Last night I attended part 1 of 4 of my "parenting" classes that ML's father put as a condition for our new parenting agreement. It would be an understatement to say this this has made me angry.
As the title states, this class is devoted to communication, with the child and the other parent. It is all great information, that I have heard many times, with all the proper phrasing of questions, getting to collaboration, blah blah f&^$ing blah. Yeah and the whole time all I can think of is "Oh I hate him!!" So yeah, not in much of a collaborative mood!!
They go over the affects on the child when there is conflict between parents, what some of the physiological and psychological signs and effect conflict has on a child. "Kids do better when both parents are involved."
Talk about putting on the guilt!!
I hate the assumption that 2 parents are better than one. I think I have done a damn good job in raising my daughter. I hate that after 3 years, because her father has now decided that being a dad sounds like a good idea, I have to bend to his whim. I made a life for ML and me. Now that life feels like part time. Being a full time, working mother, the time we get to "do things", is on the weekend. Now, every second weekend I send her to another city to see her father. He has a live-in girlfriend, so of course (sarcasm intended), their household is looked upon very favourably. The courts see their set up as more "ideal" than mine. Never mind that he didn't want the dad gig when ML was born, and that he didn't become a part of her life until she was almost 3. None of that matters, he does now, I can just move aside, and let the real parenting begin, you know the kind with two parents.
The worst part of the class last night, was when the instructor said, and I quote "you know, 13 year old girls need a father to develop their sense of self esteem". Yeah... because us mom's out there wouldn't have any ideas on teaching our girl's how to value themselves, and that a women's self esteem should not be dependant on a man, regardless of who that man is!! Yeah a mom would have no idea what a 13 year old girl is going through. It has been 20 some years since I was thirteen, but I know I remember!!
I am absolutely not saying that kids do not need their fathers. I have an amazing Dad. I know lots of amazing dads. I also know many men who will become amazing dads. I even hope to one day have a partner to share this parenting gig with.
But you know the whole single adoptive parent by choice (SAMBCs- hat tip Hazel) is looking better and better all the time. I do not think I could handle another EX!!
Last night I attended part 1 of 4 of my "parenting" classes that ML's father put as a condition for our new parenting agreement. It would be an understatement to say this this has made me angry.
As the title states, this class is devoted to communication, with the child and the other parent. It is all great information, that I have heard many times, with all the proper phrasing of questions, getting to collaboration, blah blah f&^$ing blah. Yeah and the whole time all I can think of is "Oh I hate him!!" So yeah, not in much of a collaborative mood!!
They go over the affects on the child when there is conflict between parents, what some of the physiological and psychological signs and effect conflict has on a child. "Kids do better when both parents are involved."
Talk about putting on the guilt!!
I hate the assumption that 2 parents are better than one. I think I have done a damn good job in raising my daughter. I hate that after 3 years, because her father has now decided that being a dad sounds like a good idea, I have to bend to his whim. I made a life for ML and me. Now that life feels like part time. Being a full time, working mother, the time we get to "do things", is on the weekend. Now, every second weekend I send her to another city to see her father. He has a live-in girlfriend, so of course (sarcasm intended), their household is looked upon very favourably. The courts see their set up as more "ideal" than mine. Never mind that he didn't want the dad gig when ML was born, and that he didn't become a part of her life until she was almost 3. None of that matters, he does now, I can just move aside, and let the real parenting begin, you know the kind with two parents.
The worst part of the class last night, was when the instructor said, and I quote "you know, 13 year old girls need a father to develop their sense of self esteem". Yeah... because us mom's out there wouldn't have any ideas on teaching our girl's how to value themselves, and that a women's self esteem should not be dependant on a man, regardless of who that man is!! Yeah a mom would have no idea what a 13 year old girl is going through. It has been 20 some years since I was thirteen, but I know I remember!!
I am absolutely not saying that kids do not need their fathers. I have an amazing Dad. I know lots of amazing dads. I also know many men who will become amazing dads. I even hope to one day have a partner to share this parenting gig with.
But you know the whole single adoptive parent by choice (SAMBCs- hat tip Hazel) is looking better and better all the time. I do not think I could handle another EX!!
Monday, April 23, 2007
What would you do?
Would you EVER disrupt an adoption?
I think anyone who is considering or pursuing an adoption, international or domestic, should ask themselves this BIG question. What would you do if the child you are presented with on "gotcha day" is not what you were expecting, i.e. is sicker than you thought or has more or a special need(s) than you were prepared to deal with.
I have recently found Soul Autopsy, a women who is now wrestling with the decisions that she was forced to make. I like to think that I have my answer, but you just don't know until you are faced with such a decision. I don't think anyone should judge her, as I agree with the whole "walk a mile in their shoes" thing.
What are you willing to take on? What do you think you can handle?
A year ago, if anyone asked if I would consider adopting a child with special needs, I would have said no, that is not something that I am prepared to deal with. Ask me now, I have a much different answer. Why? What changed my mind? My Daughter. In October 2006 she was diagnosed with Epilepsy. I was devastated. Epilepsy seemed like the end of the world for my little girl. Now that we deal with it every day, it is just a part of life. Dealing with ML's epilepsy shows me that I could handle more than I thought.
When considering adopting any child, it is important to figure out what you can or are willing to take on, and knowing your limits is obviously extremely important. I just think that the special needs door should be left open, even a little, because you just never know what life will throw at you, and you never know just what you can handle.
I think anyone who is considering or pursuing an adoption, international or domestic, should ask themselves this BIG question. What would you do if the child you are presented with on "gotcha day" is not what you were expecting, i.e. is sicker than you thought or has more or a special need(s) than you were prepared to deal with.
I have recently found Soul Autopsy, a women who is now wrestling with the decisions that she was forced to make. I like to think that I have my answer, but you just don't know until you are faced with such a decision. I don't think anyone should judge her, as I agree with the whole "walk a mile in their shoes" thing.
What are you willing to take on? What do you think you can handle?
A year ago, if anyone asked if I would consider adopting a child with special needs, I would have said no, that is not something that I am prepared to deal with. Ask me now, I have a much different answer. Why? What changed my mind? My Daughter. In October 2006 she was diagnosed with Epilepsy. I was devastated. Epilepsy seemed like the end of the world for my little girl. Now that we deal with it every day, it is just a part of life. Dealing with ML's epilepsy shows me that I could handle more than I thought.
When considering adopting any child, it is important to figure out what you can or are willing to take on, and knowing your limits is obviously extremely important. I just think that the special needs door should be left open, even a little, because you just never know what life will throw at you, and you never know just what you can handle.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Thoughts
I have done a lot of thinking since the shootings at Virginia Tech.
First I must say I feel absolutely horrible for every person that lost a loved one, the pain and grief they are experiencing must be unbearable. Secondly, I hate guns. I hate that guns are so easily accessible in this world. I will always assert that more guns are never the answer.
And thirdly, and this is where I might become very unpopular, all I can think about it the thousands of people that die in this world from preventable and treatable diseases every day, and they never receive the coverage that this tragedy has been receiving. While watching some of the in depth reports last night, this was all I could think about.
With all this going around in my head, I came up with an analogy.
Imagine everyone that you have known that has had a Cancer diagnosis, dies. Imagine as well that the reason for this cancer is from western world greed and environmental pollution, hence it is our fault that so many are dying from this cancer. Now imagine that in (insert any country/region's name here), they have a treatment for this cancer, that although it doesn't cure cancer, it treats it. This treatment means that a cancer diagnosis is no longer a death sentence . However, those that have found/created the treatment, do not care to share. It is, after all, our fault that cancer is killing so many. It is because of our lifestyle and life choices (i.e. greed and polluting) that so many are dying. Why should people half way around the world care about us here, they need to look after themselves, their problems and their country/region.
In my life there has been 6 people who have had a cancer diagnosis. 5 are still alive. This is why this analogy really hits home for me. I would be screaming at the injustice of the world, as would the rest of North America, if this was happening. But it is this continent that is preventing the millions affected and dying of AIDS and other preventable and treatable diseases from obtaining the necessary treatments and/or vaccinations every year.
Ok, that felt good to get out.
Now go read There Is No Me Without You by Meilssa Faye Green and Race Against Time by Stephen Lewis.
First I must say I feel absolutely horrible for every person that lost a loved one, the pain and grief they are experiencing must be unbearable. Secondly, I hate guns. I hate that guns are so easily accessible in this world. I will always assert that more guns are never the answer.
And thirdly, and this is where I might become very unpopular, all I can think about it the thousands of people that die in this world from preventable and treatable diseases every day, and they never receive the coverage that this tragedy has been receiving. While watching some of the in depth reports last night, this was all I could think about.
With all this going around in my head, I came up with an analogy.
Imagine everyone that you have known that has had a Cancer diagnosis, dies. Imagine as well that the reason for this cancer is from western world greed and environmental pollution, hence it is our fault that so many are dying from this cancer. Now imagine that in (insert any country/region's name here), they have a treatment for this cancer, that although it doesn't cure cancer, it treats it. This treatment means that a cancer diagnosis is no longer a death sentence . However, those that have found/created the treatment, do not care to share. It is, after all, our fault that cancer is killing so many. It is because of our lifestyle and life choices (i.e. greed and polluting) that so many are dying. Why should people half way around the world care about us here, they need to look after themselves, their problems and their country/region.
In my life there has been 6 people who have had a cancer diagnosis. 5 are still alive. This is why this analogy really hits home for me. I would be screaming at the injustice of the world, as would the rest of North America, if this was happening. But it is this continent that is preventing the millions affected and dying of AIDS and other preventable and treatable diseases from obtaining the necessary treatments and/or vaccinations every year.
Ok, that felt good to get out.
Now go read There Is No Me Without You by Meilssa Faye Green and Race Against Time by Stephen Lewis.
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