6th Aniversary of being a mom

Today is ML's sixth birthday, thus my 6th anniversary of being a mom. ML has been six for days, she tells me, ever since we held her party, she decided that she is already six.

This Birthday is a hard one for me. ML is not with me to celebrate. She is in Montreal visiting her father. I hope for her sake that she is having a fantastic day, and that she is enjoying seeing her sister she has missed so much since they moved away.

It doesn't feel like her birthday with her not around.

Today is also the anniversary of her first seizure. It has been 3 years, and we think that she has epilepsy beat.

Happy Birthday Big Girl!!

Viva Las Vegas

I am on the way to Vegas to celebrate my stagette with a few friends and my sisters. The weekend is to include spa-ing, shopping, gambling, shopping, drinking, shoe shopping... do you sense a theme?

It will be stagette of a lifetime!

To say I am excited is an understatement, and as my sisters have been making me say for the past couple of months VIVA LAS VEGAS!!

Its been almost a year...

I disappeared again. I needed to.
I lost my job, took forever to find a new one. And when I did it felt like I was gone for too long to start again. But then again, I thought I have something to say, even if it is just to myself... so here goes the update.

I am engaged. That fact alone still blows my mind. If you have read this post on my adoption blog, you would know what started it. When you find out how much money someone donates to an orphanage in your name, just to prove to you that they get "it" well it melted my cold single mom heart. In lieu of party favours at the wedding, we will make a donation to this same orphanage in Harare Zimbabwe.

We are planning on visiting Zimbabwe in December 2010 to visit with PN's family and of course to see the Orphanage that rekindled the relationship.

So the Wedding date is August and in Banff/Canmore, and will be a small family affair and will ad hear to as many of my feminist sensibilities that PN and my family can handle.

As for the EX... he moved to Montreal. ML was devastated. Got called in to speak with her Kindergarten Teacher asking what happened as she was no longer the same little girl. This obviously broke my heart and it has taken months for her to become the same little girl. This also prevented me from blogging, as there was just too much hurt.

What has helped is PN. ML is a special girl who has 2 fathers. Her Father in Quebec and her Step Dad who lives with us. It has been a hard adjustment, but we are working through it. There have been temper tantrums and the expected who is the boss/parent in the house, but I can tell you that ML is happy. Everyone says so. Since PN has become a permanent fixture in her life, people have commented how happy she is. And she tells EVERYONE that she has 2 dads. In her language she calls The Ex her "real" dad and calls him papa and her step dad whom she calls Dad. The calling PN Dad was her idea... When she speaks of PN she just calls him Dad, and when someone refers to him as her Dad she just gets a little smile on her face and agrees with them.

To help with the bonding, we went on a trip to the Bahamas. This did wonders for us as a family. The time we spent together just playing on the beach and experiencing things was priceless.

So that is my life in a nutshell these last 11 months...

Oh and in 2 days I am going to Vegas with my sisters and friends for my stagette!!

Fifth Anniversary

Five years ago today I became a mom.

It has truly been the best and hardest five years of my life.

The past week I was without ML as she was with her father for the first of her 2 weeks with him for summer visits.

So on the week approaching my 5 year anniversary of being a mom, I spent it alone. Friends telling me I should enjoy it. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, but it certainly wasn't something I enjoyed, and my house was way too quiet. I missed my Daughter. It didn't help that I didn't work for part of the week. The week alone, I got to experience my life as "child free". I prefer the child in my life. Even though it is infinitely harder and more work, it is just plain more fun!

I picked ML up Sunday night, and I asked about her visit. She told me many interesting tidbits. .

One of these tidbits was that when her father missed a weekend visit in June, as well as Fathers day, he was more than the "out of town" that he told me. He was in the UK with his sister. They decided to stay a bit longer so that is why he missed picking her up on Father's day. Funny that he claims poverty to the courts and he is $5000 in arrears in his child support payments....

The second tidbit, and this bothers me on so many levels, is that this past week was the first time he has ever had ML for an extended time... but he didn't take one day off work. He also sent her to someones house for a sleep over one night...

It makes me sad.

Second Last Day

This is going to be a tough week.

ML is with her Father for the week. I want to write "if you can believe" but it feels so unnecessary. The Ex didn't take this week off work. So ML is there, and hanging out with The Ex's Girlfriend and ML's sister. I am sure she will have fun, I am sure she will love hanging out with her baby sister... It probably is a good thing she is gone this week, as I am so upset about this whole job ending ridiculousness. This is the first time she has been gone for this long. The longest before was 3 nights over Christmas. Friends keep telling me "try to enjoy it". I want to scream at them, "I don't want to"!!! OK I am a little irrational these days...

I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this, but until tomorrow, I work for the family business. LAID OFF is a nice way of saying pushed out. I have found out that I have been stabbed in the back by fellow workers who I thought were friends (one person even had us to dinner and fun at their family farm!) and by both my sister and brother-in-law. So now it feels like my family is being torn apart, my daughter is away and add a bit of looking for a job stress.

The silver lining in all this, (it's a good sign that I can still see this right?) is that I have had a few interviews already, and job prospects look good, and if I can get a job quick enough, my severance will be used to pay for NK's adoption.

Unemployed

On Friday I got to hear that I am laid off as of the 15th of July. I have a severance package so I will be fine. I am on the job hunt and it will soon be my full time job until I find something suitable.

Everyone keeps telling me everything happens for a reason. I know. It still sucks. It is still very stressful. I have never been unemployed. I have never been laid off.

I have cried and raged this weekend. I am getting to the end of that. The hardest thing was coming to work today to train someone to do my job.

Happy (Belated) Canada day!

It has been a trying couple of days for us at Chez single mom.

First Monday night a friend, who I had just spent the day with on Saturday, was seriously hurt at work and we weren't sure that he was going to make it... things are looking up for him, but it will be a long road. If you know anything about trucking and winches... the winch flung back and hit him in the throat... he is lucky to be alive.

I took ML to the local Canada Day Celebrations to get my mind off of things, and we made not one but two separate trips to the medical tent. Once for sunscreen in the eyes (kids tear free no less) that took about 4 eye wash/flushing to get out. How she managed to getso much sunscreen in her eyes is beyond me....

Then as we waited in line for a hot dog ML leaned against the very hot BBQ and burnt her arm. It was at this point that I threw in the towel!! She was treated and we went HOME!!!

Hope your Canada Day was less stressful than ours!!